Big baby

I am one and I'm sure my older brother and sister would completely agree with that assessment - I certainly heard it enough times while I was growing up, but I digress...
Tonight was finally the night that we moved Sena to her room.  She has napped in there since February 4th, so it's not an unfamiliar place.  For whatever reason, though, I have been unable to follow through with plans to move her.  The alarm in the morning is now starting to bother her and she doesn't seem to be getting quite enough rest, so reason finally won out over emotion.  I read her a book, Ethan and Isaac joined me for a round of "The Wheels on the Bus," and then we turned the light out to rock in the rocking chair.  I sang Jesus Loves Me multiple times trying to prolong the inevitable.  And then I started blubbering.  I tried to cry quietly, but the harder I tried, the worse it got until I was having the boo hoo shakes.  Good grief.  Finally, Sena sat back and looked at me and threw her hands out to her sides as if to say, "What in the WORLD is going on here, lady?"  And then I started laughing and crying at the same time.  I stood up and sang for a bit longer and then when the poor girl started reaching for her crib, I knew I had to get over myself already.  I kissed her sweet head, placed her in her bed, and then retreated to my room to cry some more.  Ethan, bless his heart, felt my pain and came in to offer hugs and reassurance.  Why, you ask, is it such a big deal to put a girl in her room to sleep for pity's sake?  Well, I have been pondering that very thing.  When the boys were a few months old, we moved them from the bassinet in our room to the cribs in their rooms.  I'm sure I was sad, but they were still babies.  There was still plenty of time to snuggle them and hold them before they were busy toddlers on the move.  This time around, my baby came home as a toddler.  She was on the babyish side of toddler, but a toddler, nonetheless.  With each passing week, she is changing and growing and becoming more independent and I am having a hard time with that because it reminds me of how much I missed with her.  I didn't get to see her first smile or watch her roll over the first time or hear her first word or watch her take her first step and I mourn that.  I know that it is impossible to experience many of those things unless you bring home a newborn and I knew when we signed on for an international adoption that I would miss those things.  But, it doesn't change the fact that I missed out on some precious moments of my girl's life that will never come around again.  I already mourned those things once while we were waiting for her to come home.  Now that she is here and we know her, I find myself facing that again.  My dear husband reminded me many times along the way that we would still have her whole life of experiences ahead of us and he was right.  We have watched Sena blossom before our eyes and that is a priceless gift in itself.  That doesn't mean that there won't be moments of wistfulness along the way, though. 
Finally, I suppose there is always the possibility that someone might sneak into her room and accidentally pinch her to wake her up so that she has to sleep in our room after all.  I'll keep you posted...