Responsibilities

Yesterday, we met with the guardian ad litem that was assigned to Addie as part of our readoption process.  She asked us some questions and wanted to make sure that we understood that, in the eyes of the law, Addie has the same rights as and we have the same responsibilities to her as our biological children.  Of course we told her that we understood that.  She is our daughter.  It does not matter how she came to us, she is simply one of us now.

In bringing a child into the family through adoption, there are a lot of unknowns.  I am not a risk taker by nature and generally the unknown is a wee bit frightening to me.  Ultimately, though, I had to trust that God had a plan in all of this.  He knows me.  He knows my strengths.  He knows my weaknesses.  And He saw fit for Sena and Addie to be placed in our family with yours truly as their mama.  I remember feeling the weight of that soon after each girl came home.  We had been entrusted by God and their birth fathers to raise them and I desperately wanted to do the very best I could at that task.  Some days, that is a piece of cake.  Other days, not so much.  There are times when they need more than I feel I can give.  Thankfully, I am not in this alone.  Not only do I have an amazing husband who understands me and knows when I have reached my limit, but I also have a heavenly Father who doesn't give up on me in spite of my failings.  Together, we can do this!  On those days when I am tired and spent, feeling little arms wrap around my legs while I am cleaning up in the kitchen or a big smile and enthusiastic, "Mama! I missed you!" when I come home from running an errand are all it takes to recharge my batteries.  We have been given a great responsibility, but along with that has come an even greater blessing and I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Seven months ago, Addie came home.  It became apparent rather quickly that she is a very friendly little girl and that has made things a bit challenging in the attachment department.  After John's Dad passed away in early May, we had to break some "rules" and just wing it for a bit.  When things settled down and we returned to our normal routine, we revisited our attachment practices.  It seemed that Addie was attaching to us, but she continued to be quite interested in other people.  I googled "indiscriminate friendliness" and found that it can be indicative of an attachment problem.  We continued to keep an eye on it and tried to minimize having those outside of our family hold her, etc.  There are certain men, though, that she really took a shine to in spite of the fact that they, too, are adoptive dads who were trying not to show too much interest for obvious reasons. 

When school started, Addie went to the nursery at church for the first time.  Neither of us was feeling great about that, but she was no longer sleeping through the church service as she had been for the previous months.  We both continued to have some concerns and decided that for the time being, the nursery is not the best place for her.  Do I love hanging out in the foyer trying to keep her quiet while missing the sermon?  Not so much, but I know that it is only for a season and she is worth the extra effort.  That effort, I might add, seems to be paying off.  Just last week, a close friend tried to hold her and she totally cried and wanted her mama!  I was SO happy to see that. 

We will continue to be vigilant for a while longer and then see where we are.  We have nothing to lose and a whole lot of security to gain.  It is so important that a solid foundation is laid now, so that when the hard stuff comes later, our relationship will be strong enough to withstand it.  Sometimes it is necessary to go against the grain and do things a little differently for the ultimate good of the child - even if that may seem strange to others.