Ten years ago, in the spring of 2000, John and I experienced an extremely difficult season of parenting. I became concerned when Jack, then 11 months, just wasn't reaching his milestones. At that age, he could not crawl and he did not even sit up very well. I consulted our pediatrician and he sent us to see an occupational therapist, as well as a neurologist. The neurologist diagnosed Jack with hypotonia - also known as low muscle tone. She also ordered bloodwork to rule out a muscle disease. The first bloodwork came back elevated. They repeated the bloodwork with the same result. Based on the findings during the physical examination, as well as the abnormal bloodwork, the neurologist told us that she believed Jack to have a form of Muscular Dystrophy that would probably take his life before he reached adulthood. That is something no parent every wants to hear about their child. It was heartbreaking. We asked for a second opinion and were referred to Children's Hospital. In the meantime, we prayed. On his first birthday, Jack could not crawl. It was very hard for me to see other kids the same age walking and doing the normal things that babies do. I realized then like never before how much I needed God to carry me through this incredibly difficult circumstance. And He did. Not only that, but we saw His hand move in our son's life. Within two weeks, he began to crawl and a week later he started to pull up. By the time we saw the doctor at Children's, he was much improved. The doctor told us that if Jack learned to walk with a normal gait and eventually learned to run, we were in the clear. We prayed for those exact things. Just over two months after his birthday, Jack learned to walk - normally - and running came not too long after that. I believe with all my heart that God touched my son and I am so thankful He did! Through that experience, I came to rely on my Heavenly Father in a way that I never had before.
Fast forward nine years. I have grown comfortable with *my* ability to handle things. Things are going pretty smoothly in our household and we feel God calling us in a most unexpected direction - adoption. Adoption from a country that is on the other side of the world, in fact! I expect it to be challenging. I had no idea just how challenging it would become and how it would change me. We are presently almost ten months into a process in which the timeline is completely unknown. And that is hard. Again, I have had to come to the end of myself and realize that the only way to move forward is to leave it in God's very capable hands. That is not something that comes naturally to me. Apparently the lesson didn't stick ten years ago, because I find myself again having to trust God for my child. A child who is, after all, His! There is so much comfort in knowing that He has a plan and it is a good one. At times, I grow so weary and just want this whole process to be completed. This past week, just when I thought I couldn't take one more day of the unknown, I was renewed. I was again able to place my burden at His feet and my heart felt lighter. I know that I will pick that burden up again, but each time I hope I will hold it for a little bit less. There is no peace in trying to control a situation that is completely beyond my ability to do anything about. I only get anxious and frustrated. I am so thankful, though, for the people who I know are lifting our family up in prayer. You are a blessing!
One of my favorite hymns is It is Well With My Soul. This hymn was written after two major traumas in Horatio Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Mary
8 months ago
Thank you for sharing with such humility. Romans 5:1-5 is a great scripture to keep our trials in perspective. Have you heard Robin Mark's song All is Well... I think you'd like it. :) Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that hymn! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. It helps to know there are others out there walking this crazy journey! Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteI remember that time with Jack...I consider it a privilege to journey through motherhood with you, friend! Happy Mother's Day!!!!
ReplyDeleteOne of my uncles had a very rare form of muscular dystrophy, but he was always cheerful, always trusted God, and always believed in his healing. He was an amazing man. He had many interests, played pen-pal chess with people from other countries, and listened to Stephen Hawking. He outlived the doctor's predictions by at least 10 years! No mother wants to see her child with a disability, and I am so glad your precious son is fine now! What I know is God's ways are often hard to accept--they are not our ways. But they are always good! I will say with you, "It is well with my soul."
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