Reflection

I'm feeling a little under the weather today.  The boys are outside playing baseball with Daddy and our sweet girl is sleeping, so it seems like a good time to reflect a bit on our journey.  I have looked back at previous posts and find it entertaining to see how I have changed just in the past 18 months.  I have been stretched and challenged in ways I never imagined and it is all because we took a leap of faith and acted on a burden that God had placed on our hearts.  What began as a desire to do something for someone else has morphed into a gigantic blessing for our family.  I said in the beginning (and I think I really believed it at the time, too...) that it was not about me.  It is funny how it became very much about me as the process went on and on.  I don't think that is entirely a bad thing, either.  I was forced to take a good look at myself and see that I liked to have my own way on my own timetable.  I also liked to be in control of my circumstances.  The adoption process taught me a lot about myself and showed areas of weakness that I needed to work on - and still need to work on.  I have also learned that our obligation to care for the orphan is not over just because we have adopted.  We have only scratched the surface.  I am not sure what the future holds for our family, but I do know that we will never be the same.  We are already using our resources differently than just a couple of years ago.  I have seen how God has provided everything we needed for our adoption and sometimes in the most unexpected ways.  Because of that, I (who might have a tendency to worry about things financial) have developed a new level of trust in God's ability to do just what Philippians 4:19 tells us:  And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  


I have wondered about how I would feel once the adoption was finally complete.  I read books, talked to friends, read blog entries and realized that the reactions that people have are as different as the people themselves.  There is no real rhyme or reason.  While one person may struggle mightily, another may struggle very little.  Neither is right or wrong.  In our particular case, we have a little girl who is adjusting very well to us and we to her.  But she is still a toddler with a mind of her own!  That comes as no surprise to me because I have parented three other children who had the exact same issue at that age.  One thing that we have seen in Sena is that she has obviously been loved.  Her first week home, she closed a drawer on her finger and cried.  She immediately put it up to my lips to kiss it!  A child who has been neglected would not know to do that.  That is a testament to the care that she received in the YWAM orphanage.  She spent 14 months of her life there.  When we first met her, it was obvious that the nannies loved her and that the feeling was mutual.  I am so thankful that someone was there loving her and taking good care of her when I could not.  It was so painful to know that red tape was the only thing keeping us apart all those months, but I had to trust God to keep her and watch over her and He did.  And He still is!  He loves her more than I ever could and I am so grateful that He has entrusted this precious girl to our care.  


James 1:17  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.