Tears

I'm still wondering when the "newness" of having Sena home is going to wear off.  She has been home for almost five months and yet I still find myself surprised that she is here.  Tonight as I rocked her before bed, I reminisced about all the times I sat in that same chair with empty arms and thought of her and prayed for her.  That was often my place to go and cry when I was discouraged.  Tonight I cried happy tears there.  To sit in that rocker with her little body snuggled up against mine is such a gift and I do not take it for granted.  As we encountered obstacles along the way, it was so hard to understand why God didn't seem to intervene.  I have realized, though, that God was at work whether it was obvious to me or not.  I did see His hand very clearly in certain aspects of our journey, but others not so much.  Those were the times that I just needed to surrender and trust His plan and His timing, and that was anything but easy for me.  I am thankful that He brought this precious girl to us, in spite of my less than stellar behavior along the way.  He saw me at my best and at my worst and yet He still entrusted this little one to us.  She is a blessing and I love being her Mama.  Even if she does call me "Mom" instead of "Mommy" or "Mama" most of the time.  The perils of having older siblings...