Today

It has been 48 days since I kissed my baby girl and told her goodbye.  Here is what I would like to say about this part of the process:  IT STINKS!  There is no getting around it.  If you have BTDT, you totally know what I am talking about.  If you haven't, then you probably think I am an emotional whack job.  And, well, right now, that is probably a fitting description.  I like to think that I am a stable person in general, but this process can throw even the most stable of people for a serious loop.  Most of the time, I am ok.  There are other times, though, when something akin to grief just hits me like a punch in the gut.  Last Tuesday was one of those times.  When I found out that our file hadn't been submitted (even though I knew that was a distinct possibility), I was a mess.  I called Becky at YWAM and told her I wasn't doing well and right then and there, she prayed for me.  I know there are many others who have been praying also and I can't tell you how much that means to me.  I have honestly sensed a peace that cannot come any other way but from our merciful Father who understands the toll that this process can take.  What I know that I know that I know is that SHE IS WORTH IT and we will get through this. It is just hard in the meantime.  I knew that going into the process this time, but it really hasn't made this leg of the journey any easier.  I still miss her.  I still have no control.  I still have no idea when she is coming home.  But I know that God is faithful and He will finish what He has started.  Addie will come home. I will kiss her chubby cheeks and tell her how much I love her.  Our day is coming and we are closer now than we have ever been.  That is what I will hold onto today.