Deep Conversation

Isaac, who is trying to put off going to bed for as long as possible, just came out of his room and asked me if he was adopted. I told him that he wasn't and that he came out of my tummy. Then, of course, he wanted to know how exactly he got out of my tummy. I told him that I just sort of squeezed him out. That didn't quite suffice. I tried telling him again that I just pushed him out, but I could see that concept is rather confusing for a 5 year old. I really didn't want to go into detail, so he finally decided that he just "broke through" and that was good enough for him. Then he wanted to know if I got a new belly. Don't I wish! One that wasn't quite so chubby and laden with stretch marks.

Those stretch marks are one reminder of what I went through to birth three sons. I wonder what will stand out as a reminder for me, years down the road, of what I went through to bring our daughter into our family. I'm hoping that it's not excess pounds, though I do tend to be a stress/emotional eater. I have recently (as in Monday) started on a "lifestyle change" in order to shed a few pounds before the physical that I will have as a requirement for the home study. Someone may or may not have slightly underestimated her current weight on her adoption application and wants to rectify that ASAP. But I digress...

What I really want to stand out is that I was changed. For the better. For learning to step outside of my comfort zone and see what I can do to make a difference in someone else's life. I fall so short of the mark on this. My intentions are good, but sometimes I am just too tired, busy, or whatever to follow through with them. I am a work in progress. I have to say that I do feel added pressure to get my act together before this baby arrives. I don't remember being as reflective when my boys arrived. I suppose my outlook on life is much different now than it was ten years ago, or even one year ago when I really thought we needed a new house, car, etc. Those things are great and there is nothing wrong with having them. I just realize that, in the grand scheme of things, how nice my house was or what kind of car I drove won't matter a bit. It has taken me 35 years to truly understand that possessions cannot make me happy. There is a joy that comes from doing what you know in your heart you are supposed to do and that is what I am after.