When adoption becomes difficult

I knew it would come.  But it has not come in the way I expected.  There were questions that I anticipated having at some point:  What have we gotten ourselves into?  Does she like us?  Do we like her? and the like.  Thankfully, those things really haven't been an issue.  We have settled into a routine and are really enjoying this new phase of life. She seems to like all of us and the feeling is completely mutual.  John and I were talking earlier tonight about personality and how so much of it is genetic.  We obviously did not contribute to Sena's genes and yet she fits right in with her brothers and we just enjoy who she is.  I did not expect that to come so easily.  I thought I might have to "learn" to love her, but it has not been that way at all.  And while that is a wonderful thing, it is also a hard thing.  Friday afternoon, I was feeding her a bottle and just staring into her beautiful eyes.  She was staring into mine (and trying to pick my nose, too, but that takes away from the beauty of the moment...)  I could not help but grieve for the fact that there is a Mommy in Heaven and a Daddy in Ethiopia who are MISSING all of this.  While I am experiencing such joy with this precious girl, her first Daddy in Ethiopia is struggling just to survive.  Her first Mommy, who carried her in her tummy and felt her move and kick for those many months, barely had any time with her before she was called Home.  That breaks my heart.  I know she is in a better place, but I hope that she can peek out the window of Heaven and see her little girl and know how much she is loved and cherished.  Because Sena has been entrusted to us by God and by a first Daddy who loved her very much, I feel an added responsibility to raise her well.  When we met him back in October, he told us that his dream for her life was that she be raised to know Jesus.  Do you know how much joy filled my heart to know that our dream for her life and his dream for her were the same?  God has been so faithful and I am amazed that what started out as an act of obedience has turned into such an incredible blessing for our family.  Isn't that just like Him?

Psalm 34:8  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.