Rough night

As happens many times when I drink coffee in the afternoon, I woke up about 30 minutes after I fell asleep last night.  I could NOT go back to sleep because my mind just would not shut off.  Earlier in the evening when I was tucking Isaac into bed, he was asking me lots of questions about baby S.  What happened to her first family, does she have brothers, what if she doesn't like being the only brown person in our family, what if she wants a sister who looks like her, what if baby S likes playing with said sister more than playing with Isaac...These are all important questions and he really wanted some answers.  When I explained a little bit about what had happened with her first family, he turned away from me and wouldn't say anything for a while.  It was a lot for him to take in.  As I considered it further, it became a lot for me to take in, too.  I have known since January what had happened that caused her to be brought into care, but I am finding myself having a hard time coming to terms with the loss that this precious baby has already encountered in her short life because it is personal now.  And it breaks my heart.  It will be our job to help her work through the things she has lost when she is old enough to understand. 

After tossing and turning, I got up and went downstairs.  I looked through the various pictures we have of her and the floodgates just opened and I cried my heart out.  It just seems so wrong that what is a huge blessing in our lives has come at such a high price for our sweet girl.  Since starting this journey, I have a new understanding of God's love for His children and why the cause of the orphan and the widow is so close to His heart.  I am so encouraged to see those around us also coming to that same understanding. 

Isaiah 1:17  learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed.  Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

Matthew 18:5  And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.