Dose of reality

I visited the mall this evening with my oldest child (12) and my youngest child (2).  I'm not sure what brought on the tidal wave of nostalgia that momentarily overtook me, but I started bawling (though I tried to be discreet) as I watched my almost teenage son as he browsed through the shoes and sweatshirts at Foot Locker.  He was a bit alarmed, but figured the $100.00 price tag on the Derek Rose sweatshirt was more than I could handle.  While I do find it extremely ridiculous that one article of clothing made of fleece could cost that much (and I would certainly never spend that kind of money on one), I had to explain that wasn't what did me in.  Rather, it was the realization that my boy is growing up!  It wasn't so long ago that it was him I was pushing through the mall in a stroller.  He used to want toys, not sweatshirts and gym shoes!  Then I realized that before I know it, my sweet baby Sena is going to be 12 and I'll be trying to steer her away from skanky clothes and the waterworks began again.  Why can't they just stay babies for a while longer?  At least until I can get a grip?  As my dear son has reminded me on more than one occasion, he has only six years left in our house and then he will be out of here.  This is the same boy who had plans to live near his mother forever just a few short years ago and now he can't wait to be on his own.  I'm pretty sure I made the same vow to my parents at some point, too, and I didn't stick to it either.  The fact that they now live less than a block away from me (we lived here first!) is rather ironic.

When we were in process to adopt Sena, I tried to be intentional in spending time with the boys knowing our family would be changing with the addition of a little one.  I remember thinking about how it would never be the same and sometimes feeling sad about that.  Little did I know that it would be so much better!  Sena has brought so much joy to our family.  While there are aspects that are hard (trying to corral her at her brothers' sporting events, for instance...), overall it has been so good for all of us.  As we are again anticipating an addition to our family, I am thinking a lot about what it will look like.  I will admit to being fearful at times.  I have talked with some of my adoptive mama friends this week as I have been working through some of that fear and I am so thankful for those who have travelled this road much longer than I have and have such wisdom to share!  Stepping out into the unknown is hard, but we are not alone.  I am grateful for the adoption community that we have - both close to home - and across the country.  Knowing that I can pick up the phone and talk to friends from the east coast to the west who totally "get it" is priceless!  And some of them I haven't even met in person.  Someday...