Setting the record straight

There are a lot of opinions and a lot of confusion regarding adoption - foster care, domestic, and international.  This morning, I spoke with someone who perhaps does not have a good understanding of issues of adoption and I feel it is important to break it down.  I have expended a fair amount of effort in the last three years educating myself on matters of adoption - particularly Ethiopian adoption.  In doing my research, I have learned from others who have adopted domestically or from other countries. What I am sharing here is the truth that I have discovered and I ask that you respect it as such. 

We have gotten this question a lot:  Why didn't you adopt here?  There are plenty of kids in this country who need homes.  That is absolutely correct!  I would like to first point out that it should not matter WHERE we adopt from.  There are children here, there, and everywhere in need of homes.  Each time a child is placed in a permanent family we should REJOICE, not judge the avenue by which that placement happened.  When we started our adoption journey, our sons were 10, 8, and 5.  We felt it was important for the safety of our children already at home to maintain birth order - meaning that any child coming into our home needed to be 4 years old or younger.  Our goal was to be a family for a child who needed one.   The goal of foster care is reunification with the birth family.  Both are excellent goals, but for our family, having children in and out of the home was not an option.  We wanted a permanent placement.  That left us with two options: domestic adoption and international adoption.  Ultimately, our hearts were pulled toward Ethiopia and we began the process to adopt from there just over three years ago.  There are almost 5 million orphans in Ethiopia.  (For the record, lest I be accused of embellishing the facts, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service defines orphan as a child who has lost one or both parents.)  There are no safety nets in place for vulnerable children in Ethiopia as there are here in the US.  If parents can't take care of a child here, there is the foster care system.  If parents can't take care of a child there, the alternative is grave: one in six children in Ethiopia die before their 5th birthday.

I heard this today:  "Ethiopia is closing adoptions due to corruption."  There are certainly rumors circulating about this and I have heard them off and on since we first started our process three years ago.  However, the fact that the Federal court was assigning court dates for adoption cases just over a week ago, would indicate that this has not transpired just yet.  There are always rumors, just as there will always be corruption any time that money changes hands.  Unless you adopt through the foster care system, adoption is expensive.  But so are cars and we don't blink an eye at dropping thousands of dollars on something that will one day be a bucket of rust.  In international adoption, there are many people involved in the process - social workers, clerks, and attorneys, just to name a few - and everyone gets paid for the work that they do.  Our own government charges a whopping $720.00 to file an orphan petition and another $85.00 per person to take fingerprints!  One could argue that some domestic adoptions are not free from corruption, either, though they are looked at through a different lens.  While birth mothers aren't supposed to be "paid," they are allowed to receive money for living expenses, etc.  When my husband and I are "paid" from our jobs, the money goes to pay for our living expenses.  Is there a difference?  Hmmm...  Am I excusing corruption?  Absolutely not!  I hate that children are being treated as commodoties in some cases and it is wrong on every level!!  As adoptive parents, it is our responsibility to do our homework and run in the opposite direction of those agencies that have shady practices.  The fact that corruption exists at all is unfortunate, but the really sad thing is that the greed of a few bad seeds could prevent a whole lot of children from having a forever family. That just makes me sick.

We aligned ourselves with an adoption program whose mission is to find families for the children who are placed in their care.  That is a very different method than most agencies who have long lists of families waiting for children who fit within their parameters.  I wish that this model could be used across the board because it would help to eliminate any temptation for "harvesting."  What I love most of all about YWAM is that they also have an amazing family preservation program in place with the whole goal of preventing children from being orphaned in the first place.  You can read about it here.

Someone also mentioned to me recently that the Ethiopian people don't have the opportunity to adopt domestically because the children are being adopted internationally.  I wanted to laugh!  I mentioned previously that there are approximately five million orphans in Ethiopia.  Many of them will never be adoptable because they don't have the necessary paperwork required by both the Ethiopian government and foreign governments to process an adoption.  I can tell you that the government orphanages are OVERFLOWING with children and I'm sure they would be happy to place those children in Ethiopian homes.  I can also tell you that last year, there were 1732 children adopted from Ethiopia by US citizens.  Of course, there are other countries who also adopt from Ethiopia, but the numbers are not nearly what people think they are.  There are still MANY, MANY children who need homes.  There is a cultural component at work here, as well.  Adoption is not a common practice in Ethiopia, but I am hopeful that it will become more so in years to come as it is clear that international adoption is a possibility for only a very small percentage of children who need families.  We have been told by several Ethiopians that when a child lives with a family other than the one that he/she was born to, that child is not treated as a biological son or daughter would be.  There will have to be a significant change in mindset in order for domestic adoption to really take off in Ethiopia.  I pray that will be so.

Ethiopia will forever hold a very special place in our hearts because it was the birthplace of our daughters.  As a family, we are committed to doing what we can to help make a difference in that country - even if just a small one.  I truly believe that we were called to adopt not only because there were two little girls who needed a family, but also so that our eyes would be opened to the needs that exist outside the four walls of our home.  There are hurting people in our community, in our country, and around the world.  It is our responsibility to help where we can and we take that responsibility seriously.  If each one of us would do something to help those in need, imagine how much better off we all would be.