Redemption

One definition of the word redeem is "to make up for."  When we were in the midst of our adoption journey and it seemed that every delay possible was coming our way, I remember praying and asking God if He would redeem the time that we had lost with Sena.  I desperately wanted her to come home before her first birthday.  For each of the boys, we had a big teddy bear themed birthday party and I wanted no less for her.  I prayed and prayed that God would make a way for her to come home by then, but it just didn't happen.  We still celebrated her, complete with this:

While I was extremely sad to miss spending her special day with her, we did have the opportunity to send a birthday package through friends that were travelling that included these:

You can imagine my joy when we first met her and she was wearing this:

As sad as we were to leave her, I set another deadline in my mind and told our attorney in Ethiopia that I really needed her home by Christmas.  After all, I had this all ready to go:

When we discovered in early December that there was no way that was going to happen, those familiar feelings of disappointment crept in again.  "They" tell you not to set deadlines or get ideas in your head about what is going to happen and when.  While that is great advice, a Mama (not that Daddies don't care, too, but it is different) can't help but want her child with her and it truly doesn't matter if you have met the child or not.  The longing is still the same, though it does intensify after you have held him/her in your arms.  Thoughts of that child are never far away and the separation is painful, if not almost unbearable at times.  It was in those times that I poured my heart out to God and asked for His strength to persevere.  I simply could not do it on my own.  It was a day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute choice to trust Him.  I didn't agree with His timing at ALL!  It made no sense to me.  How could it be better for Sena to be in an orphanage than with a family who loved her and desperately wanted her to be home?  Now that we are on this side of it, I have a different perspective.  First of all, I saw firsthand the care that she received in the orphanage and I know that she was loved.  Her nanny wept as we pulled away from the orphanage with her that day in October.  If she had to be separated from us for whatever reason, she was in the best possible situation and for that I am so grateful.  It was impossible for me to know during all those months of waiting that she was really ok until I saw it with my own eyes.  Was it ideal?  No - it still wasn't a family, but it was the best it could be for an institutional setting while we waited for red tape to be cleared up.  I am forever grateful to the nannies who poured love into my daughter for the first 17 months of her life and, as a result of that effort, she is very willing to receive our love.  I have also realized that this verse is true:

Isaiah 55:8  "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

I had a plan in my mind of how things should go and pretty much nothing went according to that plan.  However, the end result is far more than I ever could have hoped for it to be.  Remember my prayer that God would redeem the time we lost?  He has done that in so many ways.  I am a baby person.  I love that stage.  With each month that passed, I realized there would be less and less of that to experience and that made me sad.  Sena was almost 18 months old when she arrived home - hardly a baby anymore.  However, toddler or not, this girl likes to snuggle.  Even though she was no longer taking a bottle, we put her back on one while we were still in Ethiopia and she really took to it.  Her feeding times were so good for bonding and I have enjoyed those times with her so much.  Even though she is not a baby, she still lets me "baby" her and I am good with that.  God gave us a funny little girl who has lots of love to give.  Today we were at Walmart and she was sitting in the cart.  She reached her arms up, grabbed my neck, and gave me the biggest hug - just because.  When John got her out of bed this morning, the first thing she did was kiss his cheek.  She has brought so much love and laughter to our home.  When I saw her run down the driveway to see her Daddy when he pulled up after work today, my heart just melted.  God took an extremely difficult process and has blessed us beyond what we ever could have hoped for.

Last week, my husband shared the song Blessings by Laura Story with me and it made me cry as I reflected on the trials of our journey and the blessings that have come from that.  We will never be the same and that is such a good thing.

Blessings  (you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGniRk_GcLs)

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?