Fear

Early on in our adoption process, I remember having moments of fear before I fell asleep at night and sometimes during the night when I would wake up and not be able to shut my mind off.  Some of the fear was simply of the unknown.  Some was the anticipation of getting on a plane again.  As we got closer to actually going to Ethiopia, that fear intensified.  Can I just say that my mind doesn't even go there anymore?  Don't get me wrong - I did not enjoy the flight at all.  But, I realized that if I truly claim to be a child of God, my life is in His hands whether I am sitting in a chair in front of my computer, driving down the highway, or flying at 35,000 feet.  And, since God is a good God, He has provided a little help for the fearful who aren't quite as brave as they thought they were in the form of medication.  And, FYI, in order for that tiny white pill to be effective, it is really best to take it an hour before departure, rather than when you get to your seat.  Otherwise you might cry and play Our God is Greater on your iPod five times before the plane ever leaves the ground and because you haven't been on a plane in 12 years and there were no iPods 12 years ago, you have no idea that you aren't supposed to have it on.  And the flight attendant doesn't see it because you have your head burrowed into your husband's shoulder where you repeatedly ask him if you are in the air yet and he says, "No, we've barely moved."  And then you really start to freak out because you thought all the rumbling beneath your feet meant you were on your way by now.  And then the engines rev and you start moving really fast and THE PLANE LEAVES THE GROUND.  Before you know it, the flight attendants are delivering beverages and crackers and you realize that you are still alive and it isn't as bad as you expected.  The flight even has a fair amount of turbulence and you are ok.  Shocking, but true.  By the second leg of the trip, you are brave enough to look out the window at this:




The coast of Greece



The Nile River



 And just like that, a whole world has been opened to you! Then it is time to return to the States.  You are wiser this time and make sure you have water an hour before you leave.  By the time you get on the plane, you are feeling sleepy.  Very sleepy.  Before you know it, you arrive in Frankfort.  You sleep for a couple of hours on a bench.  You marvel at how it costs 14 euros (or the equivalent of $19.00) for a croissant, a muffin, and two small coffees.  Twelve hours earlier, you and your husband shared a pizza and two Cokes for less than five bucks.  It is time for the final leg of the trip.  You consider taking Dramamine, but decide against it.  Bad move.  This leg of the trip is by far the longest.  Your husband is sick for most of it and you are worried about him.  Finally FINALLY, you are approaching O'Hare.  The pilot announces that it is very windy at O'Hare.  You are getting queasy.  Very queasy.  Very very queasy.  Your husband advises breathing in and out slowly and hands you a bag.  Nice.  You are willing yourself to not toss your cookies.  After what seems an eternity, the plane touches the ground.  The minute it stops, you and your husband flee the plane.  People think you are rude, but you know if you don't get some fresh air soon, it isn't going to be pretty and the people would rather experience rudeness than the alternative.  You apologize as you go and finally FINALLY you are off the plane.  Both of you are nauseous, but you make your way through a couple of lines and finally reach the baggage claim.  You claim your four bags that are much lighter now than they were a few days ago and you see familiar faces waiting for you.  You are almost HOME!  Both you and your husband are seriously thinking that it would be a good idea to have your daughter escorted home.  You ask your case manager about it and she suggests not making any decisions for at least two weeks.  She also tells you that Bonine is great for motion sickness and it is available at Walmart.  As the days turn into weeks, you are missing your daughter more and more.  You realize that you would get on a plane in a minute if it meant you could be with her again.  The end.