After several weeks of my emotions running all over the map, I might have found a safe place to land.  I woke up several times during the night last night and baby S is never far from my thoughts.  When I wake up, that is where my brain goes first.  Could today be the day we hear something?  Anything?  I have finally come to the place where I can say, "Lord, not my will, but Yours be done" and I actually mean it.  Truly, it may not really matter if I ever embrace that prayer - God's plan prevails no matter what.  However, if I can reconcile that in my heart, then I am so much better off.  The pressure is off.  I have prayed and prayed for a miracle.  I have asked everyone I know to pray for a miracle.  For me, that miracle was getting a court date before the court closure.  Apparently, that is not meant to be.  We don't even have a birth certificate yet.  As sad as that makes my heart, I know that God is in control. What I have also come to realize is that God's viewpoint and mine are very different.  My eyesight is not good.  I refuse to wear my glasses and so I squint to see.  My friends make fun of me.  Things are a little blurry, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.  My face (and everyone else's) looks much better to me slightly fuzzy!  But I digress...My vision - both literal and figurative -  is blurry and it prevents me from seeing the whole picture clearly.  My viewpoint is skewed by many things, some of which are shockingly selfish!  God's viewpoint, however, is not tainted like mine is.  And I believe He cares about the details and is working them out even now - according to His plan and His timing. 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.