raw.emotions.

Isaiah 40: 28  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

We received word tonight that it is going to be a while longer before baby S's birth certificate is ready.  We don't really know how much longer it is going to be.  That means a court date cannot be applied for anytime soon.  That means my heart is breaking a little bit (or, actually, a lot) right about now.  Ultimately, I know that God has a plan.  I am finding, however, that His plan is not meshing with mine very well.  I should find comfort in that since I am not omniscient and, therefore, cannot see what is best in this situation.  My very human self thinks that it is obviously best for baby S to come home.  Right now.  Like a fool, I have had my heart set on seeing our girl before her birthday in August.  For a while there, it seemed like that might be a possibility.  As the weeks are passing, though, that possibility has dwindled to nothing.  It is my own fault for even letting myself go there.  For something that I claim is really not about me, I'm finding that it is very much about me after all and I am honestly not liking that.  I feel as if a war is going on inside of me between the truths of God's word that I absolutely believe and my emotions that are threatening to get the best of me.  I have been fighting against fear and worry and just about the time I feel as if I am climbing out of that pit, I find myself again back at square one.  I will press on.  I will trust.  I will wait.  I will be thankful that the Lord has given me three precious boys who are just as sad about the delays as their mama, but just reminded me that the most important thing is that baby S will be here eventually and it will all work out.  And then they hugged me - several times for good measure.  God is good.